Trevor Noah (born 20 February 1984) is a South African comedian, television and radio host and actor. He currently hosts The Daily Show on Comedy Central. These funny quotes are attributed to Trevor Noah.
I stopped trusting ladies when my grade 3 girlfriend left me for another guy who had a new pencil, rubber and a sharpener.
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In the 90’s Arsenal had a player called Newton Dicks.When he got injured a newspaper wrote”Arsenal to play without Dicks” the coach got upset. The newspaper changed the headlines to”Arsenal to play with Dicks out” A record women attended the match at the Highbury Stadium.
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When your current Facebook location is London. Your school is Harvard University and you work at “MTN, South Africa”. Your tweet is always from Malaysia but your real location is somewhere in Limpopo…. And still you want God to locate you this year. My dear, where do you want Him to start from?
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That awkward moment when you are sitting next to people who gossip too much that you are even scared of leaving them cause you know that you are next.
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Unprotected sex is magic…
A baby appears and the father disappears.
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When I asked my personal trainer at the gym which machine I should use to impress beautiful women he pointed outside and said the ATM machine.
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My brothers
Hold yo woman’s hand at the mall
Bcz if u dont sh wil start shopping
Looks romantic bt actually its saving yo wallet
Thank me later.
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Dear ladies, please don’t buy a selfie stick when your armpit itself needs a shaving stick.
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A bank manager got confused with his calculations, so he asked his secretary to help out,
Manager: “I have $23,000,000, what will you take off to get 25%”
And his secretary replied “Sir, honestly, I will take off my blouse, my skirt, my bra even my pants!!
Relax sweetheart!!!
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Guys be warned!!!!
Ugly chicks are too fertile yoh…
you kiss her and Boom!! she’s pregnant.
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If he dated you for more than 3 years, slept with you countless times & now he’s asking for a break up, break his neck . God will understand.
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