Why don’t Cross-Gender Friendships work?
It is weird that a lot of people see this question and answer that it is selfishness (mostly on the part of the guys). People mostly believe that at some point in a male-female relationship, the man gets attracted to the woman and tries to take it somewhere he should not due to the fact that he cannot control himself and that puts the friendship in danger. The same thing also happens in a lot of relationships.
Women have come to call men inconsiderate and perverted because a lot of men will not do anything for a woman without asking for some kind of sexual gratification and it seems true as a lot of men can start with a woman as friends but along the line start acting funny. This sounds selfish, it sounds like the guys don’t want to do things without strings but has anyone ever wondered what happens to make the men change their atitude? It is not greed, selfishness or being a pervert? It is simple balance.
It is not weird to hear guys say, I will rather spend or do this for my (male) friends that a female one because when I am broke, the male ones are the ones I can go crash with. The third law of motion is clear on this “To every action, there (should be) is an equal reaction” and we all know nature has a way of balancing things out.
When a guy and girl are friends, the girl runs to the guy for things i.e, when she wants to change her tire, when she needs to move furniture, when she needs his opinion on a project at work, an assignment, she needs advice about her BF or she needs him to drive her somewhere far away perhaps she even needs a favor very huge. Guess what? The guy obliges and he does so only for him to get a miserable “Thanks, you are the best”…….the guy gets just that. Oral appreciation and she thinks it is cool cos she has said “thanks” and they are friends but there is no balance. Over time, this goes on and the guy gives and give while she gives nothing and at some point, the guy sits down and wonders to himself “Am I being used?”.
It even becomes worse if the girl used to be single and then she gets involved with another guy (the male friend might be interested but he was willing to let it go) and then as a result of the relationship, she stays away from him because “she wants the relationship to work” or “not pass a wrong signal to her new guy” so the guy in a way gets dumped.
He now does not just feels “used” but “dumped”. He sits back and wonders what powers where at work when he sacrificed his time, maybe money, mental ability and emotions to get her to this point and she goes off prancing after another man and he thinks to himself “Never again”. He tells himself he would never allow any woman do that to him again and since most times he needs help, he does not need a woman, he goes for the next best thing SEX. When any girl asks for anything, he asks for sex before doing it to avoid being used. Can we blame him? Of course not.
Women need to learn that that dude that leaves his friends to listen to you talk can be somewhere else. He can be with his friends gisting about Beyouncè’s bossoms or J Lo’s backside but he is there to “fix” you. You don’t have to kiss him but a CD of his favorite rap artiste once a while, a pair of socks, a text once a while, remembering his birthday and buying him something (even a card), making some stew and taking it to him at home, a body spray. The smallest things work wonders in making him feel appreciated and will go a long way in making guys change their minds about female friends being “useless” and “uncaring”.
I don’t even know why this should be said as it should go without saying. It is not a crime to appreciate your friends. It is a crime to not appreciate them as it just makes you a user and guess what? No one likes a user but with a lot of guys, it goes beyond that. It is a matter of “All girls are users”. Hence your silly action of being unappreciative is ruining the chance of another guy helping a girl who is in need (butterfly effect. Topic for later).
So the next time that male friend you have always depended on starts acting funny around you. Perhaps he starts giving cheeky excuses or starts avoiding you, ask yourself if you have been a good friend back in bringing something into the friendship.