My Issues With Polygamy
There is no hidding the truth that am a Feminist or atleast an advocator of female rights and one who strongly belive that women especially in this part of the world need a lot of rights as they are capable of a whole more things than they are given credits for. Granted that they have their bad sides (we men do too) but the good outweighs the bad.
There was a thread once where a young man opened to seek for advice, the problem bothering him was simple, his parents have been married for a while, they are still married but all of a sudden, his father has decided to marry another wife (talk about a heart stopping moment).
As usual I went into a stage of outrage at the selfishness of men and how after being together for years, they suddenly wake up one day and decide the woman they are with is not enough. They decide she is insufficient and they are getting her a “helper” (slap me twice and hand me to me mama, helper? Dang!). Of course the man has found the perfect excuse, he hid behind: Islam and said it is his right and he can choose to exercise it under Islam. So since it is a legitimate claim, I think I should also state my issues with that.
Now there is a reason why Bigamy is considered a criminal offence even when the wife agrees to it and it has nothing to do with selfishness, it is a state of mind. I don’t get how two people builds a life together, go through struggles, cry, smile and are fused together and one party decides he needs someone else. Hell it is damn unfair. It is almost fruadulent.
This is just like a breach of trust as you have created an impression that the woman you are with is the all-in-all for you and then boom! You dropped a bomb on them all.
That is you calling her inadequate, saying she is not enough, saying you need another woman before you can be happy, I don’t know about you guys but that is worse than a knife to the heart of back. That is emotional torture.
I have heard people say women are just unnessesarily jealous but can we as men take it? Hell men won’t even find it funny if a lady they don’t love is sleeping with someone else and yet it is a woman thing. Sad
There is the arguement that it will help widows whose husbands died in wars or died of illness but ask yourself, when was the last time Nigeria went to war with anyone? When did war make a large number of the women folk widows that they “need pity marriages” there are loads of men out there, to pick from, the wife has struggle to keep her home together and she deserves her peace.
Now while all these points I raised are emotional, they are me just sympathetic to the women and may be called me not thinking right as I am blinded by rage, let’s be a little bit more logical and this is the answer I gave to the guy who asked for advice.
The husband and wife has been together for a while, their state of health known, and all of a sudden, he is marrying a new wife who he will have sexual relations with. There are too man STD’s around these days for anyone to permit multiple sexual partners. The husband will surely not use protection with his new wife (not like they are 100% safe), what if the new wife is infected with something? What happens then? What happens when the husband infects his old wife (he mum with HIV gotten from the wife)? You can say they have gotten a blood test and she is free and safe but what about trust? Do you trust her to remain clean? When it comes to sexual relations, the only person you know of is you. The partner is not know and with your partner having another partner, the risks are growing. It is a situation I tell women to think about. The man has already insulted you with the “new bride” don’t let him kill you.
Islam is a beautiful religion but Islam was not written in a world of HIV.
Now the arguement of where will I go? How will I take care of my kids?
Has anyone ever bothered to ask why the woman does not have a job or income? It is understandable if she had one and she was fired or bankrupt but not having one or a saving is criminal. Ever woman must demand for more, get a job, make sure to an extent, you are independent and can hold your own weight so you can stand on your own. There are men out there who might look like heaven right now but will turn hell in 10 years. What will you do then? You need a fall back plan so when you need to protect yourself, you will be able to.
Guess what? A lot of men out there won’t want women working or taking high payin job or have a personal private savings you know why? So you won’t have anywhere to turn to but them.