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How To Block Someone On Facebook: A User-friendly Guide

How to unfriend or block people on Facebook: a guide based on some Facebook users I’ve seen.
1. Give a brief, strongly-worded memo, warning people that you will unfriend them.
2. Wait.
3. Post a follow-up notice, an extension of the previous memo, threatening to not just unfriend, but to also block people. The word ‘block’ should be typed in all caps for emphasis.
4. Wait.
5. Now make an official announcement telling everyone that you’ve now made the decision to cull your friends list, and that you’ve already begun the process. Strongly imply that whoever remains in your friends list after you clean up the garbage should feel very lucky, and be eternally grateful to you for being lenient with them, and for showing them mercy.
6. Wait.
7. Give another briefing, letting people know about your progress. Tell them the number of people you’ve kicked out so far, and the target number of friends you intend to be left with. Remind them that if by a certain time you are still Facebook friends, they should feel lucky and blessed.
8. Wait.
9. Realise that no one actually gives a shit.
10. Go on an impassioned rant about how horrible people are, and, as a closing remark, say, “Feel free to block or unfriend me if you disagree.”
11. ‘Go offline’.
12. After realising that someone actually did unfriend or block you, release an I-don’t-give-a-fuck statement that begins thus: “It’s funny how some people think that when they block or unfriend you…” or something along those lines.

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