At 27, I was ready to get married but my bobo was not. He wanted to go for his second degree outside the country.
Thanks to my parents who had sponsored mine earlier, I had completed mine, was working as I needed some minimum years of experience to write my professional exams.
Although I was in my late twenties, I was not desperate. I was living my best life. I knew marriage would come someday and while I waited, it was important I got myself busy and active. This was also the time I started my driving lessons and started making plans to enroll for another degree.
If you’re worried about your single state, having palpitations about your age, jumping into relationships without any clear cut plan for your life or what you want…
If you’ve not come to terms with your single state. You buy an engagement ring for yourself to feel married, you start telling lies of an imaginary boo etc…
If you’re jealous of your friends and siblings who are married, forgetting that everyone’s time is different…
If you wake up everyday counting your biological clock, just waiting for a man to come and marry you without adding any value to yourself…
If you’re writing relationship blogs needing a partner without any tangible thing you’re doing to develop yourself…
If you’re in a relationship where there are red flags, but you’re refusing to face reality or living in denial…
If in all your dating relationships, you’re more focused on how to lock him down into marriage than on really getting to know him to evaluate his character…
If you detest being single, being with yourself…constantly looking for somebody to make you happy, valued and important…
If all your life, goals and commitment in life revolves around this person or you’re constantly planning your life around a particular person in hopes that this person won’t abandon you…
If you feel you need to compromise your values, deeply held principles or begin to do things to compromise your integrity, in order to secure a relationship. For instance, the need to give in to sex because you don’t wanna lose him…
I need to spell it out to you that,
YOU’RE DESPERATE!!!
Desperation is a state of despair, typically one which results in rash or extreme behaviors.
Desperation hinges on the fear that there are no good men available anymore, my time is running fast and God has forgotten me.
Desperation is what drives single ladies to hopelessness and depression.
Desperate singles manipulate, deceive, lie, pretend and make false appearances in order to “make” marriage happen for them quickly.
It’s not wrong to desire to be loved, but do this when you can handle a relationship. A relationship isn’t just about being in love, it’s hard work. And you don’t meet the good men by chance or by luck. It’s takes a level of maturity and healthy self esteem that attracts a good man.
Against popular opinion, Marriage is not the “next level” to achieve in life. If you get married simply because you’ve finished a particular phase of life and think marriage should come next, you may be putting yourself under unnecessary pressure.
It’s an irony that those who are married sorely miss being single and those who are single can’t wait to get married. If you don’t love yourself and enjoy this phase of your life alone, marriage won’t still make sense because you’ll constantly be looking for someone to complete you instead of adding value to the relationship.
Please note.
- No age should ideally spell desperation for a lady. This post doesn’t say your life would pattern mine at 27. I’m using 27 as a benchmark because from observation, 27 is that nightmare age – the age many don’t desire to still be single.
So I ask you. What happens when you get to 27 and you’re still not married?
- Desperation isn’t what you think you are not or what you say you are not. You don’t even have to accept this truth, if your actions speaks of the above listed, YOU’RE DESPERATE!!
- Being desperate does NOT make you a bad person. It just shows you’re human who’s simply succumbing to pressure and listening to her fears. However, the earlier you come to terms of your desperate state, the easier it would be to seek help.
Channel this desperation into living an intentional and deliberate single life.
