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    To All NYSC Corpers Going To Camp Today

    You see this NYSC thingy ehn?
    I was one of those people the thing was shacking like ogogoro. Asswear!
    You see all those female corpers that came into my class to teach that year? Their uniforms suffered! While they were teaching, I made sure I undressed all of them in my mind, wore their uniforms, and even did small march past round the classroom gaan sef. They dunno! Their hairdo and stockings were not even spared. I made sure I tried.on.everything! Na only pant and bra I no reason.
    Who those ones epp? No standard bobby or nyash that time na. My accessories were still loading. Pimples for chest, mini kito slippers for back. Nothing! Besides, I was kuku a tomboy. So no need, I choptas not!
    Funny enough, they all liked me. Foolish girls. They said I was always cheerful. Always smiling. Cheshire cat nooni! If only they knew why I was smiling….
    For their mind, them dey teach me well, na wetin dey make me dey open teeth anyhow. Story! Me that was busy testing cloth and doing parade round the class.
    Forget…Imaagination na bastard!
    The male corpers nko? Na me trip pass. Only God know how many times I fall. There was nothing I didn’t do to get noticed. I change walking step taya. On some days, I go just chest out, dey waka like bouncer, make I see if my five naira bress fit attract any male kopa. Other days, I go carry nyash up, dey waka like person wey get pile.
    All my efforts… For where! Nobody send me o! Boyishness did not allow me to be great. Who wan chop bone? I push nyash up sote, I taya! Slippers na slippers finally! If you like, push am up reach your head. Nothing dey happen! Las las, I ended up as class captain in their respective friend zones. Na me them use mark scripts that year. Chai! Afugo’m ife!
    Today, I thank God say them no even look my side finally. Na belle I for carry go give my mama. Azzin, goal wey I fit no sabi who score gaan. Thank God ooo! Stupid boys! They were busy hussling for bress and nyash. And na all those babes wey no sabi book, even carry these heavy equipment that year. No brain. Just Assenal and Manchesta. No brain o. Yet, they were trending. See me na. No show. Who book epp?
    Well, One thing that attracted me to those corps members, was the fact that they were neatly dressed, smart, intelligent, and fineeeeeee! See spoken English na! Very woke set of people!
    I no go lie you, there were times, I felt Youth service was for a selected few. Azzin, if you ugly or dirty, no service for you! Just finish school, collect certificate, enter Ekenedilichukwu and Sons, and go back to your village.
    But, as I completed my secondary education and got into the university, I began to see nonsense. Different shapes and sizes of otonor. You go see kopa wey no sabi speak English, It was white uniforms, dirty caps and so on.
    But then again, I wasn’t entirely discouraged sha. Still needed to wear that uniform by fire by force! Well, na for my own service year, them clear my doubt!
    Firstly, na from camp, eye begin clear me. I saw olddd people hussling jungle boot with me. Ahn Ahn! Shey this ones follow for YOUTH corper ni? Well, everything became clear, when I saw them doing parade with me. Old men and women with matured hairy yam legs. Nijeriya!!! Las las, awa ma wa alright.
    E come be like say the matter worse during service proper. I know say a lot of people no get jungle boot, unto say Nigerian government go either give you oversized, undersized or expired shoe sha. No jokes! My first jungle boot was expired! As I put leg, e no reach three days, the thing begin collapse like building wey no get better foundation. Ask Mariam Ologun. She was there. She knew!
    So… I understand when a lot of kopas abandon their boots for white sneakers Me sef, na that white sneakers I like pass. As Editorial CDS Vice president, there was never a day, I wore jungle boot to CDS. Abia! Kkuku kill me!
    But what I never understood was those corpers who hid under the excuse of “we no get jungle boot” , to rock rubber shoes. You go see male kopas, dey rock white feminine rubber shoe, with their funny legs. No time! You go see female corper, dey rock open toe rubber shoe. Rubber open toe, ontop khaki ooo! Very painful sontin. When you talk, they will say afterall, its white. You nooo thank jah say no be green or yellow rubber them wear. Rubber! Don’t get it twisted. Some rubber shoes are cool. A friend of mine, Mary bought one like that during rainy season. I was amazed. Me sef, I follow buy oo. No sleeping on bicycle. Cute sneakers!
    I also met kopas who wore torn trousers. Trousers with torn pockets. Some their shoe go commot sole for road. They will wear one leg of ‘soleful’, and another leg of ‘soleless’ shoe and comfortably be working on the road. Fat girls will rather die than sew another trouser. They will carry that their undersized khaki that is probably army green, cut leafy green material, and add to it. Two color trouser! Some go wear all this mama blouse or shiffon ontop the trouser gaan. Kai!
    Ehen! Why do married/pregnant women serve? Can’t they just be exempted? Woman will dress finish with jungle boot, and cover the whole uniform with wrapper, because she’s carrying baby at the back. Some go even sew for their pikin join.
    Some others, wore their caps everywhere, including church o! You go see babe wey go wear bumshort for night, wear NYSC cap join. You go see guy dress up finish dey comot, he will wear his NYSC cap backwards, ontop jean and sandals. Some will wear cap and boxers sef. Why???If na for North, I for understand. At least if you go toast Alhaji wife, or you wear bumshort dey waka for road, them fit no cut your hand or nyash commot, as per Kopa wey you be. So, the cap and ID protects you from Sharia law kini.
    But no be for east or south here na! You dey go market, dey wear NYSC cap, you wan kill yourself??? This joyless women in the market, will just increase the price of everything you touch by 500 naira, as per JJC wey you be. No time!
    See, that thing is a uniform. You people shu stop casting it. You’re making the whole kini unattractive.
    The worse one be say, person go dress finish come out, come discover say Bus wey him enter, conductor too dey wear NYSC T-shirt. Mechanic too, get. Some Grand papa sef dey wear… Chai!
    Shey them talk say that thing na paramilitary abi? A military officer will never give out his uniform to anybody, under the guise of charity. Some kopas should go to jail!
    Long post jare. I don taya! Congrats to all those wey dey go camp. IF you want to slay, dammit! slay! Wear Timberland and Three quarter trousers with elastic bands on em, wear cute jackets, with pure white shirts. Buy fine belts. NO qualms!
    If you want to follow the paramilitary kini, Follow! Dress well! If you can’t speak English, just be fine. Don’t talk too much. Maintain!
    Fellow Nigerians, That girl in the picture is Onyinyechukwu Okolie. The only person that has a patent to my surname.Her birthday was three Sundays ago.She thought I forgot, but ehn… Laziness to make this post was my wahala. I needed to show everyone my ‘rose modelz’ Happy Birthday Onyin, My Tomboy! You were one of the best EX Kopas I ever knew jare!
    Penocrat Ayomide Ugonna Wrote this!

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