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Tuesday, May 21, 2024

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    How To Dodge Billing in Lagos Nigeria

    How to avoid Nigerian billing. A very short guide.

    I got to the new wing of MMIA yesterday and thought that the new building would bring new attitudes. It did at first until I tried to pass through the “nothing to declare” customs exit. I was guided to “something to declare” 😩

    I saw that they were already ransacking the bags of two guys ahead of me and I greeted them first. This is important!

    Me: Chairman! Weldone oh! I just dey come from Ghana.

    Customs guy: Ghana, oya pass.

    First dodge succeeded.

    I started going towards the car park to wait for my driver and saw that they had a new pickup arrangement where he didn’t have to pay. I quickly called him to pick me up at arrivals. The car you use determines the way they treat you here. He used a Prado so they allowed him. 2nd.

    As we were leaving the airport he told me that he had been harassed at a military checkpoint before the airport. I had wanted to go somewhere in Ikeja for evening Mass but but changed my mind thinking of the checkpoints. We went straight to VI where I changed cars. 3rd dodge.

    At the hotel, they were very nice and someone wanted to help me take my small bag upstairs. I declined politely and thanked him. I didn’t have a single naira on me and didn’t want an unfortunate scenario where I couldn’t tip him for being nice. He looked disappointed. 4th dodge.

    I went to evening Mass at Falomo and came back straight to the hotel. No hanging out of any sort. That is the ultimate billing. As we got to the hotel gate, the security guard wished us a happy weekend. I told him the weekend was over and work had started. He laughed. 5th dodge.

    Sleeping early is the ultimate dodge of Lagos billing.

    I went to the gym this morning feeling refreshed and happier. We dodge again today.

    Thanks for attending my TED talk.

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