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Friday, April 12, 2024

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    Depression point

    Have you ever been at that point in your life where it seems like nothing is working for you? Where it just looks like everything is against you and everyone has abandoned you to your fate and you can’t even get one person to talk to about your pain? Or you cant even get one person who has a hint of what you are passing through and that os killing you.

    You see when you are at that point, do not despair. You see you can quote that “count it all joy when you fall into diverse tests” but remember that “all things work for good to them that love God and are called according to his purpose”. Remember that “His thoughts towards you are of good and not of evil to bring you to an expected end” when you have remembered all that and you still feel like a piece of isht, that moment is when you need to stop sitting down in one place and get to do something.

    I know people who have the compulsion to clean when upset of angry, I know those who eat and some people just listen to music, find out the group you belong to and get into it. Of you can’t find that group, what do you enjoy doing that has to keep your brain busy at least?

    You see the way self condemnation, self pity, self loathing and hating the world works is by you dwelling on how things have been bad, how things are and from there interpolating a future which of course will say things will not be good. At this point you need to do things that will remove you from your immediate environment. You need things that will make you ignore the present reality and take your mind off it else you will find yourself get soaked and drowned.

    You also need to realize that you are not the only one going through whatever it is you are going through. You ain’t the only person who will fail (even repeatedly) and not having someone to talk to is not because you are a horrible person or because the whole world hates you, it is because everyone is so cooped up in their own issues that they don’t have an idea you are burning up inside. You should have friends who will listen to you. Just know who they are and put it in your head.

    When they are not available, dont attempt to tell yourself your problems (you already know em) find other things to tell yourself. We Christians love to call it “confession of faith” some other folks call it being positive. Do not be dragged down into pessimism because things are gloomy. Get out of the house, get out of the room, get out of your head. Go watch little kids, go count cars passing outside, take a stroll, count the stars, listen to music. Try to think of positives and keep yourself well about the depression line before you start getting ideas about trucks and trains and how the world will be better if you were dead.

    Frankly, the world wont be better of you were dead, the world will be the same messed up place it is. Stay positive, read novels, read books, try to write books, think up bullshit psychology, come pick an online fight, create an alternate account and troll everyone just get busy.

    Send a message to a sensible person. Gist with the person for hours and make sure you do things that will make you drained so by night, you can sleep. Do not keep idle when you are having depression coming. You will only get worse.

    If you don’t know how something feels, you can never understand the reaction of someone passing through it. Sure you can see the pains and see how much the person hurts but you can never tell how deep the pain gets until you are standing by the grave and watching a parent being lowered into the earth and you realize that you probably wont see that person again.

    You won’t realize the level of hurt in losing a spouse until someone you love dearly dies and you can’t do anything. You won’t look at other people the same way. You dreams of a future, your company, you remember silly things like the smell of the hair, the husky voice, the things that actually annoy you a little, how protective he/she was and how much you love looking in those eyes and hearing those voice.

    No one will ever understand your anger at a friend who almost died and almost turned your head in because you have lost friends and the pain is still deep even though it has been years. You are relieved that the person is okay but you imagine the seconds of worry and fear and you just cant stop the anger.

    You can never know how it feels until you are in that position and that’s when you know that crying is not a display of weakness. That’s when the talks of you not showing how much it affects you turn to naught. At that moment, even the most beautiful sky, the most captivating sun, the clean beautiful beach loses there beauty and you seat down wondering how you forge forward. 

    You see people comfort you and you wonder at the things they say. 

    Don’t ever tell people “get over it” it is callous and wrong. No matter how strong someone who grieves is “getting over it takes time” loss is not something you plan for. It is not something you and allocate time to deal with in advance so when it hits, you won’t be affected. Loss is real and the pain it brings is crazy. You would need to help grieving ones by being there and not making things worse.

    Again if you have never consoled a grieving person, you can never tell how much work it is and how draining it is.

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