By Nkechi Bianze
I’ve got a senior friend who got married in her early 20s, after her bachelors degree, and went ahead to have a child the following year.
Months after she had her baby, she went on long term contraceptive and went back to school to study medicine. It was after she graduated from medical school, and during or just after her houseman, when the first child was eight that she had another child. She told me that she was the prayer point of everyone she knew. They all kept praying for her to conceive, even while she was on contraceptive.
My elder sister did something similar. She got married after her bachelors degree, in her early 20s, and had her first child. She then went back to school to study pharmacy, and she graduated last year. She told me how someone, a stranger saw her five year old child and started praying for God to bless the boy with brothers and sisters.
I also know a couple who got married, but they were both struggling financially. The couple were both doing their PhD programs. So, they decided to finish and make sure at least one of them has a permanent full-time job before they get pregnant. But the man, who is my friend told me that for the three years they were on contraceptive, they were the main prayer point for all their Nigerian relatives.
In all these three cases, Nigerians did not want to hear that these couples wanted a little break from childbirth. They were married, and as Nigerians, they got no right to put a pause on child bearing till they have at least three each.
Whenever you see a couple, man or woman who has been married for one, two, three, …ten, …..twenty, ….seventy years without a child, resist that devil in you that pushes you to remind them that they haven’t got a child yet. Stop telling couples with one child that their child needs a sibling. It’s rude, intruding and idiotic.
A couple without children already know that they don’t have children. They do NOT need you to remind them.
It could be either because they do not want children, or because they are having difficulty conceiving, or because they are postponing having children for financial or other reasons.
Whichever case, it’s not your freaking business to to remind them.
We need to learn to SHUT UP about other people’s lives, except it’s absolutely necessary to speak.
We need to learn the act of minding our lives and businesses.
I’ve got my life challenges, YOU have yours, every adult has theirs. Face yours and sort out your own life. Stop minding other people’s lives, except they invite you into it.
What the hell is wrong with us as a people?
You remind a woman who is probably already worried or almost depressed about her problems. Does reminding her about her issue make your probably already miserable life any less miserable? What exactly do you people benefit from putting needless pressures on people?
At mid 20s, you start putting pressure on people to be married. A year after marriage, you start asking them why they haven’t had a child yet. When they have a child, you start asking them whether it’s a boy. When they have a boy, you start telling them that the boy needs siblings.
After childbirth, you start policing the sort of schools their children go to. When the children are in their 20s, you start asking them why their children are not yet married.
Why do we continue putting needless pressures on ourselves? This might even be one of the reasons the average life expectancy is low.
Life is already tough enough. Life as a Nigerian in Nigeria is even more hell enough. People can do without all these needless pressures.
Can you just shut up and mind your IMperfect lives?
Let people deal with their lives and issues in peace, without you poking your nose into their lives.
The is a conversation a busy-body had with a friend. I read it and was so angry, and the anger triggered this post.
“Madam: Hey! no babies yet? Not worried? You only post fine pictures here.
Me: Thank you… Angel of remembrance.
Madam: I’m serious.
Me: I know.
Madam: I hope i’d not upset you?
Me: No why? Did you do anything wrong? You only reminded me that after now, i should wallow in self pity, heartbreak and unhappiness and maybe curse my creator after 2 years of marriage.
*****After 30 minutes*****
Madam: I’m sorry sis.
Me: For what exactly?
Madam: I don’t really know you.
Me: Well, thank you.
Madam: Yeah. Please can we be friends? Being seeing your pictures and all.
Me: Aunty, Please do have a lovely day.”
All Rights Reserved, © Nkechi Bianze.
Dear Nigerians, It Is Not All Married Couple That Wants Children
By Nkechi Bianze