Lagos is wild I’m not gonna lie!
After my landlord increased my rent by over 20% I knew it was time to leave the wilderness and seek the promised land out there
First thing early morning I decided to go and look for house my self. I refused to use agents because the shege these agents showed me before I got my present house, the trauma still lives with me
Around 7 am, I was already outside. I got to the first house with “VACANCY” boldly written on a wooden frame. I entered and called the number. Of course, it was an agent that answered.
He said I should wait, that he would come and meet me. I waited from 7 am till 1 pm. On God, I didn’t know how I waited that long, but each time I called, he said he was very close.
By 1:30 pm, I stood up and left the woman’s shop where I was waiting and went home. I was so weak and exhausted from sitting down and waiting, I couldn’t continue, and the sun wasn’t helping at all.
The next day, I stepped out again. I saw another vacancy sign. I called, and the agent said he’s close. Once bitten, twice shy.
After 15 minutes, I called, and he said he’s almost there, that he can even see me from where he is.
“Okay, what am I wearing?” The werey hung up. I just turned and left. He called me six hours later when I was already home to ask where I was. I told him to come, then I put my phone on airplane mode.
Shortly after I left there, I went around and saw a house. Luckily, they said the landlord doesn’t use agents.
I excitedly went in and introduced myself. “I’m Kingdavid, a writer, Christian, etc.”
He smiled and said, “Writer? That means you’re intelligent but broke as nobody reads, so how will you pay your rent?”
I said I’m not broke o. He said he has children in school if I will help them to pass Jamb and WAEC.
I said I’m a writer not a lesson teacher. He looked at me and asked me where am from
I told him. He screamed ah, Omo Igbo! God forbid, and hissed the longest hiss asking me to leave his compound. He won’t rent his house to me before I’ll sell his house.
Omo, I was weak. Is this how racism is in the abroad? I went home again defeated. The next day, I decided to try again. If at first you don’t succeed, keep trying.
The following day, I met another landlord. As soon as he saw me, he said I’m too handsome and that he has a daughter before I’ll come and marry her and own this house.
I told him I’m married. He said it doesn’t matter. I can marry more than one wife after all; I’m Omo Igbo.
I went home again. Then I tried for the third time. This time around, I met a very thick, dark-skinned mature woman, probably in her late 40s or early 50s. I couldn’t really tell.
She introduced herself as the landlady. I told her I was looking for a house, and she smiled at me, then asked where I was from.
I wanted to lie, but I said, “No, let me be honest since it’s a woman.” So I told her. She smiled again and said I don’t look Igbo at all, that I look like a Yoruba demon.
“Ahh, mummy no o. I’m not a Yoruba demon. I’m a responsible Christian.” At this point, I was relieved she wasn’t focusing on my tribe until she said,
“Mummy ke? Your mummy loss? Call me Moyin or Momo for short.”
“Yes, ma. Sorry, Mrs. Moyin.”
She now looked at me from head to toe and said, “Handsome man, hope different women will not be coming to look for you?”
“No ma, sorry Momo. I’m married.”
“Is your wife going to live with you?”
I was confused by the question. “Yes ma, we will live together.”
“Your wife must be enjoying you o. Sebi she will share you small?”
“I don’t understand ma.”
“I said don’t call me ma. Call me Momo with that your sweet voice. Oya, fine man, follow me inside let’s go and inspect the house starting from the bedroom.”
I didn’t move.
She turned to me and said, “Come na, why are you standing there like a stick?”
“Sorry ma, it’s my wife. She’s outside. Let me go and bring her inside.”
That’s how I ran out and jumped on the first okada I saw and went back home.
On second thought, the 20% increment my landlord added to the rent is not that bad. Some people’s own are worse, so let me just manage and pay the new rent for now.
Èkó
The End
Ajebo Writer
©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne
