I have identified some levels of friendzone that guys find themselves, i swear I can’t believe I even thought this shit up. Of course my friends in UNILAG did some of the thinking.
1. Errand boy level; This is a class of guys who girls only use to do certain things they can’t do themselves. You know when you are the best student in a class and sometimes the girls come over and ask that you help them out to write a term paper or do their assignment. Perhaps you are their neighbor who they will naturally not even look at twice but when their electricity has a fault, you are the first person they come to. That is what you are: you are simply good for errands and that is where it ends but if you are at this point, there is hope. You are in what is called the “A ba eleja yan” zone. An “a ba eleja yan” is a Yoruba term for someone who is doing a job for the owner and might not necessarily gain anything from it. He does all the work and the real owner reaps all the benefits. The literal translation is “one who smokes fish for the owner of the fish” but the fish is not yours, you just prepare it and even though you desire the fish, you cannot eat it but at this stage, there is hope oh believe me there is hope. You see when you smoke fish, you can always take some part and eat it without the owner knowing and you have a taste of the food. So at the errand boy level, you can still get hugs, pecks and at some point, well you get the idea
2. Support system This is a class of guys who are good for support in a lot of ways. I have a friend who was stuck in this zone and believe me, it is not a pretty place to be. No imagine a girl has a boyfriend who she loves but is a complete jerk and treats her like crap but she has this guy who is a great friend and listens to her a lot. He is there to stand by her when she has issues with her boyfriend and gives the hugs and makes her feel better. When she is with this guy, she feels great and a lot of her troubles is carried away but that’s where it stops because as soon as she is better, she goes to meet the jerk and forgets the guy that makes her feel better. This guy can also be a church brother who helps out with spiritual things. Now this also has a Yoruba explanation. “O’n ki ibon, elomi yin nita” meaning you are loading a gun and someone else is shooting it. you see this point is not a good place to be as it is torture, you see this girl you think is an angel treated like poo and while you help her, you get no love. But in this case, it gets worse because if the girl leaves the jerk, she might not date the guy, she is more likely to date another jerk even though the friend makes his intention known. She can be said to be enjoying the best of both worlds. But even at this stage, there is hope, you see when you load guns, you can make a mistake and have an accidental discharge. That is rare but she can look within and see you for what you are.
3. Gay level Have you even had a female friend who will rather go shopping with you than her boyfriend? Like she would rather chat with you for hours about minor and sometimes serious things which she would not feel comfortable discussing with her boyfriend because you are understanding. You are that person she gets advices for and don’t be surprised that you know everything about her including her shoes size and best color. She will gladly take you everywhere and will do everything with you. While you wallow in joy that she is with you always, her boyfriend is doing real guy stuff with his friends and being what guys are and is happy she has you. He is happy that she won’t be in his hair and asking her what color to wear to work or what hairstyle will go with a party theme, all she has to do is ask you and you have the best answer. Hell she would even tell you what a great friend you are and how she finds it easy to connect with you than other guys. Let’s see it this way, what boyfriend won’t be happy his girlfriend has a gay friend to help out with the stuff he does not understand and does not want to understand? Like while he watches football with friends over the weekend, you are going to the market with her to shop for the underwear she wants to buy him on his birthday while you barely get a happy birthday/ the Yoruba phrase for this is the same as the first one. “a ba eleja yan” because she gets so comfy, things happens and she already sees you as gay and harmless. Girls are comfortable to the point of being unclad when around gay(real gays) and you are similar so her heart is opened at this case so hope dey
4. The brother zone As the name implies, it is the point where you have being friendzoned, you are like a brother to her. You are so comfortable with her, you actually have the key to her house. You can go to her parents on her behalf and believe it or not, she sees your house as hers, hell she might even have clothing at your place. She would walk down the road with her hands around your neck and might even take you along on her date with her boyfriend. This has a Yoruba definition it is the “a ba eleyin se” the one who cooks the egg for the owner. Ask yourself this: if you boil an egg for someone, how is it possible for you to eat out of it without the owner knowing? At this point, you gain nothing apart from being her friend. You are not even guaranteed of loyalty cos women tend to be more loyal to the guys they date than their brother. You know as a gay friend, she might be comfortable walking around nude around you, as someone in the brother zone your chances are zilch. No sane girl walks nude around her brother when you are at this point, she will fight other girls who comes near you but that’s cos she will miss you so much when you divert attention to the other girl not cos she wants anything.
