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    How To Raise Confident Children

    How do I raise confident children?

    I’m not an expert in raising kids, but I’ll share what I do with mine.

    1. Love your children equally. In many families I hear that mothers and fathers have “special love” for some of their children. Well, I don’t know how possible that is and I’ve not done research, but I love all my 3 kids equally. When you start showing special attention to a child when hebor she isn’t a “special needs child” you send a message to the others which may be interpreted as “Daddy doesn’t love me that much.” It’s a recipe for disaster.

    2. Affirm their strengths before you correct their anomalies and failures. Know that your kids all have their different aptitudes and strength and may never be the same. They also have weaknesses. Some may be good at painting and some weak at mathematics. Affirm their strengths while you work on their weaknesses.

    3. I affirm my kids at the same time. I’ll carry Chisom and tell her “Coochie pie is the best girl in the world.” Then I’ll lift Adaeze and say, “Adaeze is the best girl in the whole world.” Then I’ll raise the hands of Best and say, “Best is the best boy in the world.” When I do the same at the same time for them, they’re all in high spirits and feel loved. When they bring their artwork or anything they’ve done, I tell them to hi-five me and then we talk. Even when they draw you with big head and mosquito legs, tell them that the drawing is the best.

    4. Don’t be a tyrant at home. Home should be a place of succour and love and acceptance and connection and peace. Why are you messing up with the definition of home by being a raving mad lion at home? Lions live in the jungle, not at home.

    5. Play with your kids. When I want to bathe my daughters, I lift them and pat their bumbum and sing songs and blow kisses. That way they enjoy the moment with me.

    6. When I return home, I hug them and play with them. Your kids shouldn’t dread your return. They run to me and I embrace them. When I buy things, I open my bag and gift them. They love those moments.

    7. Hug them. I hug mine well. You’re not turning your son into a sissy if you hug him. I hug Best and kiss him on the cheeks and forehead. Doing so, you’re teaching him to be human, not a hard man. You’re teaching him to love and appreciate people, especially the women he’ll meet in his life, not disrespecting them, but appreciating them as humans.

    8. Ban nasty words in your home. In my home, you can’t use words like “idiot” or “big head” or “yam legs” or “rat teeth” or whatever those names people joke with. By not doing so, you teach your kids to edify every part of their bodies. That makes them never to feel body-shamed for whatever reason. Even in correcting them, we never use curse words like many parents I see do.

    9. Allow your kids give expression to what’s on their mind. They’re but kids and they can say the darnedest things. Chisom believes that I can buy the sky for her. Best believes I can buy a private jet and park it in our home. That’s how unbridled their beliefs are. When they’re able to express and talk to you, they’re able to share their experiences. That way, when someone tries to abuse them, they can easily open up and tell you. Don’t hush them while they’re expressing. Their minds can be very wild. Listen and guide appropriately.

    10. Be not quick to use the cane. I can’t remember how many times I’ve ever flogged my kids. It may not be up to 5 times since they were born. I use lots of conversations with them, piling out to them the consequences of actions taken within the home. Develop the art of conversations and not quickly resorting to flogging them for misdemeanours.

    As I said, I’m not an expert.

    I’m learning. I keep learning.

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