The one thing I love about most traditional men or patriarchy king is that they do not pretend or hide who they are. These men are always straightforward from Day 1. They do not sugarcoat words or show you one foreign character then switch to Pete Edochie character.
Most divorced homes, go and ask the women how their men treated them while dating and what happened in the marriage? You’ll realise that 8 out of 10 marriages, the men were good Christian brothers or a gentleman or a male feminist or one perfect man and boom! They get married and you start seeing a different human.
Traditional men, most of them will tell you they love their women to cook, they love their women not working, they don’t like make up, they’ll let you know their mother will live with them. Infact they do not hide major details. It is YOU women who ACCEPT to marry these men. That is why most women married to these men never complain especially when there’s money. They remain there and endure whatever they see.
But you see these other type of men that handle ladies like gold, talk sweeet words, tell you how they can cook, how they love their women independent, how this and how that, how their family will never have a say, how their mother and sisters won’t interfere, how they believe in sharing bills and chores, omo you sef will believe and again, ACCEPT them.
Once you get married, barely a year later you’re already crying and regretting.
See ehn, most Nigerian male feminist are low key narcissists, manipulators, gaslighters and pretenders. They’ll always tell you WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, They’ll act like proper british men, they will do everything to please you and little by little they’ll start gaslighting then they’ll graduate to negging and all these will sink into your head and you’ll feel good about it then when marriage happens, they start manipulating you and show you full blown narcissism.
It takes a strong woman to survive such men.
Many of you dated these men or were raised by these men and that is why when another manipulator talks, you support him cos YOU ARE USED TO THAT ABUSE.
I will give an example of these stages.
Chinenye; Babe I’ve been so stressed with work today and I think I’ll come over your place to eat
Boyfriend; oh dear, you’re welcome anytime. Had it been you know how to make tasty meals like Golibe you’d have cooked at your place but yea come over.
Chinenye; but I know how to cook nah haba.
Boyfriend; I was joking. Come over.
She gets to his house safely and she’s done eating
Chinenye; honey the workload at work today wasn’t funny. I was given projects and couldn’t understand it.
Boyfriend; had it been you graduated with a first class, you’d have aced those projects easily but let me help you so they can respect you.
Chinenye; ehn even if I didn’t at least I have a job.
Boyfriend; my love! I know! Same way Golibe has a job na but earns higher cos of her 1st class. He laughs.
The next day she dresses for work
Chinenye; honey please kindly help zip my gown
Boyfriend; Ha! It won’t zip oh maybe if you were slim, the gown would have fit you better.
Chinenye; but I’ve been wearing this gown nah. Maybe it’s your sperm
Boyfriend; ha. Thank God you now agree my sperm makes you look good.
Chinenye; abeg let me rush and do my make up
Boyfriend; not as if the make up will make you fine sef but I still love you.
Chinenye; I love you too.
They get married.
Chinenye: honey I saw you at the mall today with Golibe. You two appeared too good like a couple.
Boyfriend; oh you know how she is nah, you know she cooks tasty meals like I do so we went shopping for spices.
Chinenye; I see. Let it not pass this level oh.
Boyfriend; I’m all yours!!!! You’re not the most beautiful or even the most intelligent but I still do love you my baby.
Chinenye starts feeling fly.
Chinenye; why did you cheat on me babe. Why??? I told you how I detest infidelity. How could you.
Boyfriend; darling calm down. It’s not that serious as you think. I ate her tasty meal and didn’t know what happened. I was drunk and thought it was you in that slim sexy gown. I don’t know what happened until I woke this morning. I’m sorry.
Now, Chinenye goes ahead looking for slimming teas and attending different catering classes. She tries to do everything within her power to win her man. There’s no advise you give her that she’ll take cos in her head she’s less. Her her self esteem is being damaged and she sees herself undeserving of the guy so she does everything to please him.
Chinenye will continue doing everything to please him until she loses her existence. She will never see anything good in herself cos a narcissist gradually pushed her into mental damage. Something that maybe her own father never did to her oh.
Many of you are victims. Many of you still have that low self esteem and that is why if someone like Chinenye comes to you, instead of you to tell her she looks beautiful and she’s the best, you’ll rather tell her to do everything possible to please her husband and save her marriage. You’ll never see anything wrong with what the manipulator is doing to her.
Dear women, take your time before settling down. Mind what YOU ACCEPT. Men are who they are. It is left for you to choose the best.
The signs are always there. Silently or loud, it is there.
Better to wait long than marry wrong cos good men exists.
If only you know how many great women have lost their destiny cos they ended up with a manipulator. If only you know………..
You can’t go to school, get educated, have good skin, dress nicely and doing well for yourself then one man wakes up and turns you into a ghost cos you allowed it or you ignored the signs.
You’re enough and you do not need anyone’s validation!
I wish I can keep talking but this is enough.
PS; I am not forcing my opinion on you please. Kindly go to your wall and disagree. I am saying so cos I don’t want victims of manipulators to come here and damage my mentality.
Chinenye Azubuike Page