From the age of 18 years old, an average Nigerian lady is either dating or in search of love. She is already inundated with the thoughts of settling down and getting married. She is so consumed with the thoughts of dating often that she forgets to live life and pursue her own dreams.
Dating itself is not a bad pursuit. But it is essential that if you must date, you should at least date well especially if you are desiring to be with a partner who would be with you till the end of your life.
I have therefore drawn up few dating tips that could help you.
- 𝟏. 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆.
Sadly, many young ladies go into relationships without knowing who they are on the inside. They don’t know their tricks, their temperaments, their love languages, their dislikes, and likes. They don’t know what kind of person they are and who they’re comfortable living with.
To skip this stage of self-discovery means you would keep jumping from one relationship to the other, dating via trial and error, compromising your set standards to fit into the ideal picture of every man that comes your way.
Today, this man says he does not like trousers, but because you want to be the ideal woman for him, you suppress your likes to accommodate him. Tomorrow when you meet another man who likes trousers and does not like independent women, you squash your identity again to accommodate him, eventually leading to an empty woman who has let all of herself go in the bid to maintain a relationship.
When I was dating and knew who I was, I knew that a man who did not like certain things was a no-brainer and this did not matter if I loved him. You do not like this part of me, hell no! I move. You desire a woman whose free will you wanna take over, swerve.
It is therefore important you know who you are before you start dating. Fall in love with yourself. Build your self-esteem. Be comfortable with your likes and dislikes. Own your story with your full chest.
Take a moment to be single and be at rest. Don’t be scared to be single. Singleness is not a disease. Don’t be scared to be without a man. There’s so much you can do being single. Bask in this state.
- 𝟐. 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓.
Dating right means you date with a focus. Do not just date randomly. Do you know that you are a reflection of the kind of men you date and each dating relationship leaves some part of them in you? If you wanna date for money, date for money. If you wanna date for se.x, go ahead. If yours is marriage, go ahead.
Dating intentionally is that time for you to know if you can deal with character flaws, weaknesses, and fundamental values in your partner that have the potential to become huge holes in marriage. It’s beyond the euphoria of having somebody to love and love you. It goes beyond knowing people in their raw form – their weaknesses and true character, fundamental values and see if you can live with them, in the long run, remembering that people would hardly change.
- 𝟑. 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐃. 𝐁𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋.
While it is okay to date to be married, you shouldn’t also close your eyes to any potential flaws that exist with your partner.
Do not make the mistake of assuming that a dating relationship that doesn’t lead to marriage is a failed one. No! If it was so, there would not be bad marriages existing today. So marriage is not proof that a dating relationship is successful.
A dating relationship is successful ALSO where both parties decide they do not want to go ahead into marriage because one or both parties found holes that had the potentials to become huge blocks in marriage, rather than become resentful or angry towards each other should they have gotten married.
- 𝟒. 𝐁𝐄 𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐅𝐘 𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐆𝐒.
I can write a whole textbook on red flags. A red flag can be defined as “something your partner does that indicates a lack of respect, integrity or interest towards the relationship, which have the potential to become stumbling blocks now or later”.
What can you not deal with as a person? Personally, I cannot be with a man who is obsessed with submission. This is a red flag for me. I cannot be with a man who does not know how to clean after himself or who is ridden with insecurities and ego. Know your puts-off. This is the essence of self-discovery before dating.
- 𝟓. 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐆𝐒.
I need you to know that red flags would not go away. They become amplified in marriage. It’s funny how many ladies think marriage would change a person. Look at it this way. It’s just a change of status not a change in character or values. Nothing changed between yesterday (when you were single) and today (now that you are married).
So, stop acting helpless when you see bloodshot red flags that can negatively affect your home and your marriage. Use your common sense to walk away. Know that walking away from one bad guy doesn’t mean there aren’t thousands of other good men in your future.
- 𝟔. 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐆𝐎𝐃 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐎𝐍 𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔.
When you discover a red flag, letting the relationship go becomes a daunting task because of the lie that God has made only one man for us, and as such we become doomed if we let this one ‘seemingly good’ relationship go. May I tell you something? God has a million and one eligible man for you who’d meet your idea of a perfect spouse in your future. However, holding on to this one not-so-good- relationship makes you unable to see beyond your nose.
- 𝟕. 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐈𝐓𝐘.
Never get married to anyone out of pity. If you do, you’ll regret it. Several women wish they’re had married better but for one sentimental reason or the other, made a choice and they’re living with their choices. Unfortunately, divorce is not an excuse in their dictionaries so they live with their choice for life. Sad, I must say. But they made their choice.
- 𝟖. 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔’𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎.
Never! See in marriage, you’ll meet other suitable that would attract you. There would be several other people who would meet your idea of what a good spouse is.
And no matter how much we love our spouse, how committed we are to them, we will ALWAYS meet other men or women who would attract us. This is very NATURAL, INEVITABLE, and NORMAL.
How we deal with this reality would determine to a large extent the success or failure of our marriages.
We can either live in guilt for feeling attracted to some other person asides from our spouse, suppress the feelings or start an affair and start searching for fairy tales again or come to terms with this reality.
If you go for a man whose physical looks appalls you, you’re already placing yourself at a disadvantage. That’s because your chances of being unfaithful in marriage are high. You want to always get home to be happy with the choice you made, regardless of the other suitable that exist around you.
- 𝟗. 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄, 𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑.
Choosing a life partner is not a matter of getting a magical sense or a supernatural revelation that, “This is the one.” It’s a matter of getting to know people who cross your path and evaluating them by the uncompromising standards you have established beforehand, recognizing always that you will find more than one person who meets those standards.
This is what makes finding a life partner a CHOICE in the truest sense of the word.
So, out of all the people you know, out of all the friendships you develop, out of the legitimate “possible” before you, you choose one person with whom you wish to spend the rest of your life. This is not a flighty, haphazard, head-in-the-clouds choice, but a deliberate, sober, feet- firmly – planted – on- the ground decision.
It’s reaching the place where you approach another and say with deliberate confidence, “I CHOOSE YOU!!”
If you have not gotten to this place in your dating relationship, please do not get married- yet.
This is not an all-inclusive list. But, I hope with these tips you will be able to date better and evaluate your relationship if you’re dating well. There is no crime in desiring to be with a man. But for anything I know in this world, I have a man who loves me with his entire being and continues to prove it, so I would never berate any young girl desiring love. However, DATE WITH SENSE. NO PUT YOUR BRAIN FOR THE DOOR AND BEGIN TO DATE.