Linda Ikeji is Pregnant

Who would have thunked that some people could be disappointed in a Linda who doesn’t give three flying fucks about their existence? Waawu!

Nigerians!!! When are we going to stop this madness of trying to hang our bags far above our reach? Ogini? Who do us this thing? Wait first. How did you people move on so quickly from Meghan Markle, to Linda? Abeg lemme laugh.

Even this woman that is carrying her teenage daughter on her laps inside this keke, because she can’t afford to pay another 50 naira, is also joining mouth to be disappointed in Linda. Oh lawd!

Shebi if I fling this her dead big brown bag that she has used style-style to drop on me because space, you people will say I don’t have obi ebere abi? It is well.

Even confirm headmasters, plate washers and preeq worshippers are busy making posts and quoting bible on top. Ndi Ara ukwu udara!

Na only outside wedlock? Under wedlock nko? What of behind wedlock or in front of wedlock?” Mtchhew!
Wedlock piwakwa unu onu there! Hypocritical fuckers!

Excuse me dance, fuck is fuck! Whether with or without belle. Fuck is what? Fucking fuck! There is no difference between you and Linda. Oh well! scratch that. There’s plenty of difference. Because she has lots of money to throw around, and you don’t. thank you!

And for those of you forming bride price and tradition, thunder!!!
How many of you got pregnant for your first children ‘inside’ wedlock?
How many of your current husbands are even the fathers of their first children? Since you want to break table, let’s use the right instruments na! After all, whatever is worth doing is worth doing, well.

Listen!
Linda ikeji is over forty! She did what I or any other sensible woman will do, if they turned forty and aren’t yet married.

Hell yeah! If I ain’t married at 35 sef, and I have the resources to take care of a child, I’ll get a son of man to knock me up, and put me in the family way. Yes, you heard me right! I will carry belle and take pre-delivery pictures.
My life, my choices. Kill yasef.

Again, one of the things you shouod consider before opening your sepulchers to spill worms, is that Linda has ALL it takes to mother a child. ALLLL!!!!

She will give the lucky son of a gun the best education money can afford.
He will wear designers.
He already has a Bentley from the womb.
He won’t starve or suffer in this life. His Mother will make sure of that. Afterall, She’s equal to the task.

Unlike some of you,that will still go back to hunger and lapping or sharing your children to strangers in public transport because you can’t afford even two seats.
Some of you that will flog your children in public or tell them that too much sugar is not good for the system, because you can’t afford to buy them coldstone…

Bottom line: Shut up and face your front!

This is the word of the lord.
Thanks be to Jah.

Written by Penocrat Ayomide Ugonna.

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