Fellow Nigerians, lend me your ears!
Those of you baying at our great leader, Muhammadu Buhari should please calm down. Buhari is going to be president, come 2019, insha Allah, barring an act of God, or Onugo of my ancestors. I have prayed for him, he will live long to rule us until he no longer wants to. He had my votes, yes, votes. Come and beat me, I dey house!
It is very simple, Tinubu’s boys and girls, and the writers, thinkers and PhD vuvuzelas of the Southwest will soon start speaking from both sides of their mealy mouths, on cue. They are about to get paid.
You see, the warriors of the Southwest long ago cornered the market for principled opposition to oppression, subjugation, colonialism, blah, blah, blah. Not any more. They soon found out that it is a profitable market, beginning in 1999, when these new colonialists were handed the keys to the truck by the old thieves. They have been wailing and going to the bank ever since. Money na hand, back na ground.
Let’s be clear: Buhari is a collosal failure, everybody knows that, the vuvuzelas of our nightmares who gave us The Clueless One know that; they keep reminding us as they fight to outdo each other in long Facebook posts and sanctimonious tweets. If you are excited by their nonsense, na you sabi. Enter your house. Already, pay day has landed. Baba Obasanjo, wife beater, Father of modern day corruption and chief letter writer has just been rewarded, Buhari has today seen it fit to award a contract to fix the road from Lagos to Otta! Your guess is as good as mine what else Baba Letter Writer has been offered, maybe another oil bloc!
So, get ready for another four years of Buhari. As my uncle told my mother Izuma of the Stout Bush that cannot be felled, you all should go home and rest, you have already voted. Buhari is doing everything he set out to do. He has earned the right to another four years. He must finish the job. The warriors of the Southwest will ensure victory. Right now they are just tantalizing you with beautiful noise. Go home to your lovers, you have already voted.
I said it.