Black Panther Movie Is Out, Will You Watch It? Review Later, Avoid Spoilers

I may or may not see Black Panther. If I leave the office early enough and the Black Panther queue at the cinema is not infuriatingly long, and the ticket isn’t going for more than N2k, then I may see it.

If there’s any scene where any black man grunts or howls like a monkey, then I’d be disappointed. You didn’t stab H&M in the balls for nothing just to have your biggest black movie validate your monkey ties, did you?

If they use spears and run a patriarchal system, albeit subtly, I’d be amused. I mean, you can’t be seeking to liberate black people (from colonialism), but manage to discriminate against women – not that I care much for women or even believe they are better leaders, I just think the hypocrisy would be cringe-worthy.

I hope there’d be no point to speak with heavy vowels in a bid to mimic any African dialect?

Unlike Africa Americans, I don’t need a movie to validate my blackness. I am black. I don’t howl, I don’t speak with heavy vowels… all I want from a movie is entertainment (unless I’m watching Spielberg tell the history of the holocaust).

Wakanda is not black history. The city doesn’t exist. It is pure entertainment. It shouldn’t be political, but it is. It is almost as if many black people see their future through the eyes of a movie that promises technology. Hello! technology is already here.

I have watched the interviews of the cast and how they talk and cry about colonisation taking away the potential of the black man. Someone needs to remind me again who (were) the agents of colonialism… and who sold your forefathers for a piece of glass just to see the reflection of their rotten teeth. Oh shit! it was your forefather’s uncle and best friend. Shit. Shit.

Can we say it for the umpteenth time – colonisation would have been hindered if black people weren’t involved in the process. The greedy black lot.

If we, in 2018, have the chance of being ruled by a white man… nigga, I will take it! See what your black presidents and politicians have done to Africa. See what your black schools, like Chrisland, are saying about toddlers being raped, watch your black police officers stand aside as they burn four black students at ALUU.

Black this. Black that. Be any colour, just do the right thing.

Why is South Africa not third world? Is it the bloodthirsty ignorant black indigenes who thrive on xenophobia that keep their status above third world poverty? Is it that idiotic and corrupt ex-president Zuma that built SA above third-world status? Nope.

Could it be the involvement of “whites” in the system that saves SA from blatant shit-hole status? Is that too much to accept? Am I too blunt? Do I need to be more, err, “intellectual” about African under-development? My bad.

Have you ever sat through those long tedious intellectual talk about how you cannot blame the victims (in this case? black people) for their own suffering, with all the historical dates and proof… did you not feel like slapping that professor or activist?
You leave that kind of conversation or class and you are still black and poor.

So what’s the point really?

But I deviate terribly. Forgive me.

I was yapping about Black Panther.

It is more politics than entertainment. Shocking how all the major and respectable websites are trying, with their tail between their legs, not to say one wrong word about the movie. Bravo to the left!

It’s such a perfect movie that even the most hard-to-impress reviewers are chewing their nails, nodding – “this is very good”. They are bored, apparently. Or just tired of black moods clouding their blue sky. Or just afraid of the tantrum that may follow if they as much as point out any scene that is mediocre or out of place.

A child wears the coolest monkey in the jungle, that’s racist. I’m reiterating the idea of any monkey hollering in this movie, because that would also be racist. But it’s ok, as long as blacks are hollering to one another. When you see it call it strength and authority. Not monkey-ing.

I don’t even know what I am saying.

What am I saying?

Go Black Panther! Go black people! Go, err, Wakanda! Go whatever!

***PS: When is Season 8 of Game of Thrones out?

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