After a brainstorming session in the office, we got around to talk about “sexual offers and consent”. One stale episode on Facebook was our case study.
Some felt a guy has a right to ask for sex, and this shouldn’t provoke a lady to make a post or video out of it. And others believed the lady too had rights she could employ however she wanted without being judged.
I, however, shared a simple story…
I used to stay in a hotel in Ikoyi regularly when I was managing-directoring a media company.
I would have breakfast every other morning at the restaurant downstairs.
One weekend, Prisca stayed over. So we both went for breakfast at the hotel restaurant.
When we got there, there was a Kenyan couple on one table, and one Yoruba dude on another table. And there was CNN on screen talking about some African situation that I can’t remember now.
A conversation started around the CNN report. The Kenyan couple had some interesting perspective, then the Yoruba dude decided to chip in his opinion… before long, I too had something to say.
Conversation continued until it was just me and Yoruba dude left in the restaurant, still chatting. Kenyan couple had finished breakfast and excused themselves with that-was-such-an-enlightening-conversation wave, and Prisca had returned to the room.
So Yoruba dude and I talked almost into midday and before we said good bye, he asked for a date – that night, at some fancy restaurant.
I accepted. It was, after all, a Saturday.
We both had shared enough information about work and life, and I could easily conclude that he was one highflying negro.
Night came, we met at the lobby and we drove into town for dinner. I invited Prisca along after asking him if it was Ok, of course.
During dinner, sharp Prisca quickly finished hers and disappeared into thin air, leaving me alone with the guy and all he wanted to say.
We did have a good conversation…
“I’m trying to manage three branches of the company in Lagos, London and Hong Kong. We are starting one in Benin…” he said and handed me his card. He took me through a few business slides on his phone and a few sketches he was working on regarding new business ideas.
And after 3 hours or so, he asked a simple question:
“I will be in London tomorrow night. I’ll be back in Nigeria in a week. It’s a back and forth for me. I will love to spend the night with you.”
That’s a sexual offer, yes?
Now, under this ambience we had created – good conversation, dinner, some wine… why, as an adult, should I be offended?
I turned the offer down but I wasn’t at all offended. He got back from London called me a few times. He kept calling. Never giving up. But it seemed I was always busy. And the reason I didn’t accept any sexual offer then or now was because I wasn’t sexually attracted to him. Great guy, no doubt, but it’s not everyone you want to sleep with.
Now compare that experience witj some retarded dude inviting you over to his friend’s house “on-ing and off-ing” light, shaking his legs, putting and removing hand from your shoulder, WhatsApp-ing his friend and saying “no show”, trying to play and un-play soft porn, asking daft questions like “can we hook up tonight” whilst wiping everlasting Nigerian heat off his brow. An average visiting horny negro looking for a quickie before returning to wherever.
Tell me you won’t be offended – with your hair touching the sky in absolute offence!
I have never had to deal with that. But if anyone goes through that and decides to talk about it online, by all means talk about it. Eish.
The second scenario is tacky as fuck. And tacky just makes you want to grab a mic and share your “pain”.
There are sexual offers and there are sexual offers.