In respect to my last post about women feeling entitled to their boyfriends, a lady took it to my inbox to call me a stingy and unprepared boy who’s looking for free love.
I wouldn’t dignify that with a reply but this public post will serve.
I’ll start with a story about my teenage love.
We fell in love. Innocent and real. I was just a teenager. Business apprentice. She came from a family that had a lot of issues; she never knew her dad, her mum wasn’t doing so well. It was chaos up and down. Sometimes nothing for them to eat.
As a business apprentice, I was not entitled to payment. You know what the Igbos call ‘nwaboy’. My feeding money was ₦150 per meal. Which was sometimes in the morning and afternoon.
I was always giving her my feeding money while I fasted. Lol. Asked her to use it and get stuff for herself and younger ones.
Also sometimes, wealthy customers showed us love. So I’d save the cash and give her.
I remember when her mother was hospitalised. I had 2k. I gave her all to get beverages for her mom.
Then, the big thing was me saving all the benevolence I was shown, I ate once a day to compete the cash and got her a Nokia good phone, as of then it was ₦12K
A lot happened that I wouldn’t want to talk of.
Why did I write this?
Back then I wasn’t exposed to the patriarchal system of a man having to obligatorily provide for his girlfriend; pay her bills because he’s a man.
I did everything I did out of love.
Some ladies have called me stingy on here because of my postulations against their entitlement mentality. I honestly do not care.
Some say I run away from being a man and handling responsibilities. Lol
I have no beef with women.
All I ask and seek to elucidate is that women be self sufficient, and never need a man because they have to pay bills.
It is wrong and rude to feel a man has to pay for your hairdo, cosmetics, and luxury because he’s your boyfriend. You subjugate yourself. That’s abuse on your capacity to be independent of a man. This is an enabler of misogyny. Honestly.
See, truth is, love cannot exist without giving. The earlier you realise this, the faster you stop focusing on a man who’ll pay your bills, and focus on a man who’ll love you, because if a man truly loves you, no matter his capacity, he’ll give you. No just a man, any human in love becomes a giver; sacrificial giver.
I hate these things to be always under obligation. Love is the only obligation. Only love.
I bet you if that my teenage girlfriend pestered me or felt entitled, I wouldn’t do jack for her, but I sacrificed my all, and even more and even fell into trouble because of her.
If I love you, you won’t remind me to give you.
You won’t tell me you need a new shoe when I can see the detached heel of the one you wear..
If I love you, you won’t remind me to buy you food when I know you’re broke and hungry.
Love is in our conscience. It tells us what to do.
But it becomes something far from love when ladies audition men by what they can give!
The entitlement is far from love.
Love thinks of what to give than what to be given..
So if you truly love a man, you won’t focus on what you can get from him. You’ll focus on making him happy; what you can give.
It’s sad, I cannot stand being loved because I pay your bills. No matter how rich I become, I crave pure love. Love is free. Love is compassionate. In love there are no rules.
And this thing about giving isn’t one sided. A woman who doesn’t give is a wrong woman. In fact, I have observed that women demand more from the guys they don’t love, and give more to the guys they love.
Yes, I cannot also shy away from the fact that in love, there’s responsibility, but this responsibility is still delivered on the basis on love. I call you when I have airtime. When I don’t, you can send me airtime or you call me.
I give when I have..
You give when you have.
Not because it’s our birthright but because love in it’s intrinsic nature gives.
So can we stop seeking GIFTS, and start finding love?
Women should also get a job. Men value self sufficient women more because they exude confidence. Women with entitlement mentality struggle with self esteem issues.
Any woman who feels she shouldn’t give as much as a man in a relationship has issues. Giving is not gender exclusive.
Lastly, if a man should stay away from a relationship because he’s not financially stable, a woman should also stay away from a relationship if she’s not financially stable.
Because there’s absolutely no difference between the man who doesn’t give and the woman who feels entitled to be given.