So last night I laid down and wondered what life we live in. It is the same thought process that lead me to Atheism when I was younger (Perhaps I was not an Atheist, I might have just hate God too much to keel faith). It is the kind of thoughts that is capable of paradigm changes in psychology and way of life.
Amazing is that I think of it and I know where it ends but I chose to go with the thoughts. Life is amazing. You read the Bible and do all that is in it, keep your side of the bargain only to get blind sighted on an ideal Sunday evening and you wonder what went wrong.
You wonder why you are living alone in a 3 bedroom flat for months straight and no family around.
You ask yourself why even though you seem to be the ideal person and follow God, there is no result and you welcome death more than anything else because you don’t see the point.
At that point, you decide to turn your back and live your life and yet nothing changes but still you are comfortable cos it is your call and no heavenly anything to decide for you.
That was then though and now looking back, you see that nothing changed. You just grew in emotions and you learnt to understand things more and that just leads to the conclusions that life is not what they say it is in Sunday School.
You are not guaranteed anything just because you are a good Christian. You don’t get the dream job, just because you are honest with your emotions does not mean you will get that girl. Just because you study hard does not mean you will pass, just because you are honest does not mean isht.
This is real life, to some extent you wonder what being a “good friend” does to/for you? When jerks get more appreciated. That is what life is.
I think the saying “Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people” should be changed. I think it should just be “Things happen”
Just because you are loving to her does not mean she will love you. Just because you are diligent at work does not mean you wont get fired and the lazy ones retained.
Just because you are a good wife does not mean your husband won’t cheat on you and possibly infect you with HIV.
Just because you care about your friends does not mean they will care
Just because you are a good parent does not mean those children will appreciate you
So I wonder why bother?
As I wondered why bother serving God years ago, I wonder right now why strive to be a good person when in the end you end up less and with nothing to show for it?
Why bother to do all the work when someone else takes the gain?
Why bother at all?
Why do I bother to care?
I am inches away from taking that step again. Inches away from Terraforming……
Is it all worth it?
So we fashion that saying that “Life ain’t fair. Deal with it”